Written on February 27th, 2018

I am not naive.
no, I swear — these self-inflicted scars aren’t accidents of ignorance
they are choices rooted in the deepest parts of my being

there is a difference between expecting reality and accepting it
just because I crave a better world doesn’t mean I don’t understand this one —
I simply believe we can do more

my decisions might be stupid (every one of us has regrets)
but they are not uninformed
it is not that all I see is positivity —
it’s that I choose to embrace hope

and my cost-benefit analyses are never perfect, I know
even my best calculations are divided by emotion
but the reward of connection has always outweighed the pain of being open
sometimes I swear I’m insane, but I think it always will

I can scream that I want to change — will I be protected by apathy?
but no matter how much I think I yearn to be different
I know retreating would only hurt worse
if opening my lungs might mean I’ll drown in sorrow
I will still gladly chase the sweetness of fresh air

the weight of the world isn’t lost on me
but I refuse to concede that the world is lost
sure, this is the way things are — I know that
but is it the way they have to be?

I will never be ashamed of asking that question.