I’m Sorry

Written on December 29th, 2016

I’m sorry
But I am tired of apologizing for my softness
My sensitivity has been the flame in too many burned relationships, I know
But I swear I can use it better now

I’m sorry
For all of the times I’ve snapped
I never did quite figure out how to handle the pain
Far too often I etched demons in my world when all that stood were harmless shadows
Please forgive my childlike panic

I’m sorry
I am laced with flaws, I know
Don’t think I don’t count them each night
But I refuse to believe that any number of dark spots can define me
I still contain unmeasurable light

I’m sorry
I have stepped on so many already-bruised toes over the years
I am clumsy even in love
But I have grown into grace, knuckles white from clutching hope
And I can only be better tomorrow

I’m sorry
For every last mistake that has branded one of my scars onto the backs of the innocent
And even the backs of the guilty
I’ve always loved sharing, even my pain
But I am learning to be stingy with hurt

More than anything
I’m sorry
For apologizing so much that I morphed into nothing more than regret
Held together by insecurity
I screamed my story to the world
But only now have I found a measure of truth

I’m sorry
But my softness carries strength, and my sensitivity builds bridges
I may be shy and nervous now
But my love is fierce and vehement
There is a fire within – one of warmth, not destruction

I’m sorry
For every last thing I have done – and for those that I haven’t
I no longer feel the need to explain
Because I’m sorry
That those two words can’t change anything
But I know I can better the future

I’m sorry
But I am no longer sorry