Dear Snort: You Are So Worth It
Written on January 12th, 2017
It’s been three weeks since I met you. Three weeks since I sat down on the concrete floor in front of your kennel and pet your fur through the chain links. Three weeks since your beautiful blue eyes met mine with such sweetness and I fell in love. Three weeks since I sat in a visiting room as you flopped on the floor next to me, wanting nothing more than to be pet and cared for… and three weeks since I first wanted nothing more than to be the one giving you that care.
In these past 21 days, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I’ve talked about you endlessly to all of the friends and family that would listen. The morning after we met I spent three hours doing research on your eye condition, exploring the costs and possibilities of your care. I’ve loved huskies forever, Snort, but this was different. I was drawn to so much more than your breed.
You have this joy about you, this gentle sweetness, this overwhelming purity that I can’t help but love. Despite looking at the world through constantly painful, half-closed eyes, you exist in it so peacefully. You changed something in me within the first minute I held you; you made me feel real hope for the first time since we had to say goodbye to my 14-year-old Larry. You stirred something in me, Snort. You woke me up.
I want you to know how much I care about you. I haven’t come to visit recently because I am afraid of getting too attached; I want you to go to the best home possible, but I just love you so much that I don’t know how I’ll handle it if that home isn’t with me. It’s silly, I know. Selfish. But I don’t want either of us to form a relationship that will only lead to disappointment. When you walk out of that humane society and bound into your new life, I need to feel nothing but pure joy for your future – even if that future doesn’t have me in it.
You are remarkable, Snort. From your quirky name to your beautiful coloring to the eye condition that plagues you day in and day out… I saw the reality of your care. I looked at pictures of enucleation surgery. I am prepared to stand by your side through anything your life might bring, and I know you will do the same for whoever is lucky enough to be your new owner.
As I sit here writing this, I know that in less than twelve hours you will be on your way to Madison to see your special vet. I know that a few hours after that I will be on speaker phone with all of you in the room, talking over your future, praying that I can be a part of it. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring or the day after that or all the ones to follow, but I do know that I will forever be thankful for how you have changed me.
Snort, I want you. I want you so desperately. But more than anything, I want love for you. I want comfort for you, relief from your pain, reprieve from your stay in a cold kennel. The staff at the humane society is just as amazing as you are, but I know nothing can beat a bed that’s all your own. You have given me the gift of loving again. You have opened my heart. You have reminded me why I’ve always loved animals do deeply – because you are worth it.
And Snort, let me tell you, you are so worth it. So damn worth every vet visit and every bill and every eyedrop application. Worth the worry, worth the stress, worth the wondering. You are even worth the pain of not calling you mine if that’s what it comes to. Just knowing you has been enough to bring light into my world.
Thank you for being you. I hope that we can grow together – I haven’t stopped fighting for you since the moment we met, and I don’t plan to cease anytime soon.
You deserve the world, beautiful girl. Wherever you end up, you belong with people who see that.
All my love.