Better Again

Written on January 16th, 2017

I have learned to love deeply
To crave the rawest parts of those around me
I extend love in the face of tsunami mistakes
To never give up on those I care for

But I have also learned to be bitter
Sometimes I fear the darkness within,
My leaps to the most terrible conclusions
My discomfort when I hear whispers from the other side of the room

I cannot cite certain baggage forever, I know
I cannot be damaged goods from events so far in the past
But sometimes it seems, no matter how hard I try
I will never recover what I felt was taken

And I’m faced with a question, the most uncomfortable of all:
Was anything stolen, or did I just let it go?

I wonder if I’ve littered my life with excuses
The mysterious collisions of passion and pain
I want to be me again, no doubts or hesitations
But I’ve forgotten how to act even while surrounded by love

It’s too late to change what has been done,
Yet I grapple with leaving it behind
All I can do is be better tomorrow
All I can do is be better again